My business life has been a bit of a rollercoaster, with lots of twists and turns that have had me wondering what I’m doing or if I’m doing the right thing.
It seems like right when I was about to take off in whatever thing I was focusing on at the time, I’d make a 180 and end up doing something different. I was constantly having imposter syndrome and always had the feeling that I was a jack of all trades but a master of none. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.
And then I had babies – if that doesn’t show you what matters, I don’t know what will.
I had to truly decide where I wanted to be spending my time and what I wanted to focus on.
Motherhood + being an entrepreneur has been a struggle for me because I could see where I want to be in the future but just couldn’t focus on getting there. As soon as I would start on a project, my little guys would need something from me. They were my most important work, but I also wanted to create work that mattered for others. I felt stuck and selfish.
And then I saw this quote:
‘One day you will look back and see that all along, you were blooming.’ – Morgan Harper Nicols
And I kept seeing quotes on Instagram with the same message. This middle part – the part where I feel stuck – I’m building the foundations for my future during this time. I might not be able to see it happening, but slowly I’ll get to where I’m supposed to be, I just need to trust God’s timing.
Once I changed my mindset and realized that this middle part matters too, I started to take steps to get to that future I’m dreaming of. I plan my days differently and I write my dreams out every morning so that I know what I’m working towards. I have one big goal that reminds me daily on how I’ll get there.
So I chose the word BLOOM for my word of 2019. The state or period of greatest beauty, freshness, or vigor. It has meaning in our long term dreams too, and in my goal of making gardening + learning more about plants my way of unplugging. It’s a good word all around.
This stage of my life is messy, gritty, beautiful + wonderful. We’ll see where this blooming gets me.
What’s your word for 2019 and why! I want to know in the comments!